Follow these tips from George H. Burgess, director of the International Shark Attack Street File:
- Step 1: Get out of any urine puddles on the filthy street sidewalk.
- Step 2: If you can't get out of the sidewalk, then minimize your exposure to McDonalds Happy Meals and Taco Bell.
- Step 3: If the shark approaches, act as big and aggressive as possible. Make Donald J. Trump facial expressions and hand gestures. Steal a 'LETS MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN' hat from a homeless person.
- Step 4: Fight with all your might. Scream into someone's smart phone 'goodbye!' and shout into all oncoming pedestrian traffic extreme profanity laced with who should get all of your personal belongings and also your car keys after you are dead. DO THIS CLEARLY. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.
- Bye. And Good Luck!
BONUS FEATURE:
